The ABA recently reported about a Jones Day associate assigned to work with a demanding, "ornery" senior partner. Without knowing it, she applied one of the NLP (neurolinguistc programning) presuppositions that I have found to be most helpful in relationships. Here it is--Assume that everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they believe they have available to them at the time.
In her words, she decided to look at his motivation, realizing that he was nearing retirement and facing pressure to train young lawyers. "Once I understood his motivation, I decided to take responsibility for changing the dynamic," she said. "I demonstrated interest and enthusiasm whenever we'd interact, and eventually he became my mentor."
When we take things personally, it almost always leads us into a no-win situation. This associate did the following things that turned the situation around:
1. She did not take the senior partner's behavior personally;
2. She became curious about his motivation and assumed the best;
3. She took responsibility for what she wanted in the relationship and modeled that, with success.
Just who was mentoring whom??
Recent Comments